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So here’s what not to do: Don’t physically follow the person to get your information. “Constantly calling or texting to see if he answers, asking to see his phone without reason, and insisting he call you at certain times throughout the day and night are over-the-top behaviors on your part,” says O’Toole.
It’s important to remember that it comes down to feeling comfortable with your date.
And there are more warning signs—if he never answers his phone, sends erratic texts at odd hours, or has chunks of time that seem unaccounted for. Constantly changing jobs or getting evicted or foreclosed.
MORE: Why Serial Monogamists Are Ruining It for the Rest of Us Make boundaries (and stick to them).
“If there is something that is questionable, you can take your investigation a little further by casually questioning him about it,” says Pat Brosnan, a former NYPD detective and CEO of Brosnan Risk Consulting. MORE: 12 NSFW Holiday Gifts Way More Fun Than Another Sweater Check their digital footprint.
“If he lies or denies, that is an automatic red flag,” he adds. In these modern times, practically everyone uses some sort of social media at some point in their lives, even if they’re a bit of a technophobe. If he’s always taking pictures with different ladies or getting wasted, and that isn’t your lifestyle, he should be disqualified,” relationship coach and radio host Femi Ogunjinmi says.
how to do a background check on your date " data-medium-file="https://scstylecaster.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/background-check-date.jpg? w=670" data-large-file="https://scstylecaster.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/background-check-date.jpg? w=150&h=84 150w, https://scstylecaster.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/background-check-date.jpg? w=670&h=377 670w, https://scstylecaster.files.wordpress.com/2015/12/background-check-date.jpg? w=768&h=432 768w" sizes="(max-width: 916px) 100vw, 916px" / In 2015, landing a date means hightailing it to Google in an effort to glean any bit of digital knowledge you can find on the person, while simultaneously digging up his or her Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat feeds.
Even if you’re not a reporter, background-check companies like Instant Checkmate let you easily (and anonymously) search through criminal records, birth records, public social media profiles, financial history, and driving records.
For around a month for unlimited access, you can play your own gumshoe.
The site takes about 15 minutes to complete and all you need to do is type in your date’s first and last name and state of residence.
Take it from former FBI criminal profiler Mary Ellen O’Toole, who says doing some stealthy background checking on a new guy is a smart idea.
“Women can often be duped by the trappings of normalcy,” she says.